The Brick wall begins to break..

Hey, you all!

Its me.. I have not been updating, am i?
I know..
I shouldn't have a blog if i don't update often..
haha..

Anyway, updated news..
Nothing is new..
Only that i did something that i never thought i will do..
It changed my life fully..

What is it?
I tell someone i like, i like him..
O_O

Don't look at me like that...!
I did it, trust me..

What did i tell him?

Well,  i told him that i like him and i want this feeling to let out so i can continue my examination..
I tell him  that the brick wall that i built to prevent the feeling for floating out and making it uncomfortable for him.
I don't want our friendship to be taken away by someone else..
I love him..
and usually when someone like someone else when they were studying, they will get distracted..
But not me..
Loving him makes me more motivated to study hard..
How?

Whenever i did my quiz, i will timed the quiz so that i could finish quickly and get the answer right..
COz i knew..
He will  finished earlier and get all right..


What he replied?
Well.............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Let's just say...
Urm..

Well.. he said..
First he said
"Finish what you wanna say?" I was stunned..
"Okay now listen to what i wanna say.." I looked at the wall and he looked at me by the sides..

The first word that came out from his mouth really.. really pissed me off..

"Why do you burden yourself to cry for me?"
"Why do you need to think about someone else..?"
"I don't wanna you to burden yourself with all these feelings.."
"Look at me.. i ignore all these feelings.. Friends are easy to find.. True friends are hard to find.."

I just smiled when he said those word..
But on the inside, the anger changed to sadness..
Heartbreak.. Like i felt before...

After that he said a few things but i did not quite remember what he said..
Cause seriously..
I have a feeling breakdown when he said those earlier words..

the things that i remember is..
"You must remember the purpose you came here... To learn... Remember what your  late mother said.."

Dude! when he speak of my late mother.. i looked seriously at him..
How did he  remember that?
Just like i remember that he hates coffee?

Right then, my anger and sadness lessen a bit..
Knowing that he care...
The last thing (well, not last thing coz we talked a bit later)he said
"If that is what you REALLY WANT, if the destiny is right..
You will get what you want.."

Honestly.. Those words light up my face and heart..
I dunno whether is just a advice or his feelings or just a friend advice...
I just dunno now...

I could feel that the brick wall i built slowly melt..
No~
I need to be strong...
"If that what you want.. You WILL BE WILLING TO WAIT.."

He said that..
I remember every single word that he said..
Now matter how hard i tried to not remember it...
I can't...
It just plastered in my brain. waiting in line to be registered in my brain..

I know..
i am being emotional..

I don't think that i would have feel this again..
But..
I did...
Only. its hurts more..
Coz he was my friend...
I thought i was heartless..Brutal and easy going..

But.. I feel different with him..
I can be myself... No hiding all the bad habits..
That is why i like him..
He accept me for who i am..

But i am soooooooooooo Stupid!
I wit someone else..
When i with someone else, He posted sad songs on his profile..
Songs like Rihanna, Final Goodbye..

Rihanna, Cry,

and lots more...

SOmehow, i felt that my heart was ripped apart..
Seeing he is sad and i could not be there to comfort..

Why don't i always get what i want?!
Why do i have to be hurt when i follow my instincts?
In other things, everything tht i did according to my instincts works..
Except this...

Why!

Today! He was chatting with one of my friends

They were close..
Just like how close i am..
With him last sem..
Eveything he will call her..
And she will be there..

Like us..
used to..
ah~ i shouldn't be like this..

I need to focus on my studies...
I will wait, if he want me to wait,,

Allah...
Give me strength..
The same one i have before..
I need more strength to go through this..
Thanks Allah!

Sorry for the long blabbing and what not..
I just need something to let out my feelings..

I already tell him what i had inside me..
But he did not see it all yet,...

Oh.. i wish someday he will...
Understand..
I wish once..
Let my life be come true like how i wanted...

Anneyong~
See you another time..